It's My Blog Deal With It

2012-02-10T20:50:00.001-08:00

I'm going crazy. I like him way more than I should. I have so much I need to do though for school. Gah!! I want to see him but I know it's nothing more than a fling. I should just concentrate on school. I'm going nuts... Meh!

2012-02-08T18:52:00.000-08:00

I've been in a daze for about the past three weeks. I think I know what a zombie feels like now with it's brain disconnected from its body.

2012-02-02T07:38:00.001-08:00

I'm a novice =D it reminds me of Vamp Academy =D

2012-01-31T13:31:00.000-08:00

Lock it up girl! Get a grip. You're a bad ass bitch! You need to slow your roll. You'll have plenty of time when you're old to tear your heart up some more. No feelings. Hard as a rock. Molon Labe.

2012-01-30T19:10:00.001-08:00

I want to text you so bad but I know you won't answer me back

2012-01-29T17:06:00.001-08:00

This is why I don't fall anymore. =(

2012-01-29T07:51:00.000-08:00

Freaking Russian alcohol!

2012-01-24T09:57:00.000-08:00

I'm catching fire!

2012-01-24T09:56:00.000-08:00

"Guard your heart."

"Don't worry, there's nothing left to guard."

2012-01-23T18:44:00.000-08:00

I love all my friends here so dearly. I love seeing them and being with them but... I really want to go home.

2012-01-20T20:23:00.000-08:00

Oh the good old days. I wish I could go back to when everything was simple. Back when we laughed and we played. When life wasn't so hard to do. I miss the days I spent in love and with the family of friends that were there when I was learning to grow up. Oh how I miss the good old days but I know there are more to come. If only I could get back the peaceful bliss I once knew.

2012-01-20T08:35:00.001-08:00

Lord give me strength.

2012-01-19T07:40:00.001-08:00

We have a fairly large peanut gallery here.

2012-01-07T20:53:00.000-08:00

Jesus I don't think if I had looked it up before I could have survived those books. They like sucked the life out of me. Really makes you think about what you have. What's important to you and your family. It could always be worse.

2012-01-03T11:03:00.001-08:00

I waited so long for prince charming to come rescue me. One day I realized no one was coming to save me so I decided to save myself.

2012-01-03T11:01:00.000-08:00

I no longer fear death. So what is there left to fear? That I will not be the one that dies.

2011-12-28T20:08:00.000-08:00

I don’t see you laugh

You don’t call me back

But you kiss me when you’re drunk

I don’t know your friends

Don’t know where you’ve been

Why are you the one I want

Don’t put your lips up to my mouth and tell me you can’t stay

Don’t slip your hand under my shirt and tell me it’s okay

Don’t say it doesn’t matter cause it’s gonna matter to me

I can’t be alone with...

You’ve got me out on the edge every time you call

And I know it would kill me if I fall

I can’t be alone with you

2011-12-23T15:41:00.000-08:00

Heart beats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall

But watching you stand alone

All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling don't be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

2011-12-17T19:50:00.001-08:00

So I just read Clockwork Prince and I'm pretty sure I'm freaking out more about this than I did when we found out Clary and Jace were brother and sister in City of Bones. GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-12-01T09:02:00.000-08:00

It might be shallow of me but if I were a man I wouldn't want to date the girl I see in the mirror either. She's ugly a cold, hard, scarred face. She volatile, moody, sometimes dumb but often coldly calculating. Sometimes she is a fierce predator that none should ever dare to challenge. Sometime she is inhuman. Sometimes she succumbs to her womanly ways and cries for unfairness that life brings.Not for herself of course but for others. She needs no one but so many need her. She doesn't care for herself like other women therefore she receives no attention from men although secretly in her hard heart she longs to be love. But who could love such a monstrosity? A strong capable woman who doesn't wear makeup and pink like she ought to. Who wields a weapon more deadly than any man could. Who keeps fighting, who keeps getting up after being knocked down. She is impervious to harm except that of rejection of her fellow mankind because of her warrior heart in a woman's body. Does her hard shell protect her from the words of those that don't understand? No. So she walks alone until she can find someone that can love her for what she is. Or she walks alone forever.

2011-11-26T06:47:00.001-08:00

Well, I used to let you take up
Every corner of my mind.But the world kept spinning
You’re long forgiven
And now you’re living in the back of my heart
Your pretty face
The kisses I tasted, they’re all safe
In the back of my heart
No telephone calls, pictures on the wall
No regrets at all
In the back of my heart

2011-11-01T11:42:00.000-07:00

You move a thousand miles from the people and the place you know and love to get away from cranky emotionally draining people only find more cranky emotionally draining people. =(

2011-10-24T07:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my soul gets tired but I must remember to stay strong and not to fall away from the Lord and all that is important to me. I'm so sorry all the time of me. Sometimes I hate to look at that face in the mirror because I know what that girl has done. But I look because I know that one day she will do something that will be far more important than what she has done. One day she will be great in some way big or small. She will atone for all the suffering she caused, for all the corruption she caused, for all the theft, for all the death. Until then I must keep working hard nothing comes easy for me ever. I will only become stronger from that which does not kill me. I will rise or I will go down swinging. I will fight for the Lord and protect his children one way or another. Lord give me strength and forgive me for falling short of your glory and the precious gifts you have bestowed on me.

2011-09-30T22:03:00.000-07:00

Every time I get caught up in trivial mundane things the Lord has a way of reminding me there is something bigger than myself. Something I must work hard to be a part of. To do what is not easy because the Lord needs me to. Save soldiers and protect people that is what he calls me to do and that is what I'll do or die trying. Lord give me strength to fulfill what you will have me do. Give me the ability to love as you do. Lord forgive me for my trespasses and help me to redeem myself through you and your will. Lord most of use me as your instrument to help soldiers and their families. Anything they need Lord prepare me to meet it. I am yours.

2011-09-18T11:37:00.000-07:00

For as much as she's stumbled, she's running. For as much as she runs, she's still here. Always hoping to find something quicker than heaven to make the damage of her days disappear.

2011-09-17T19:46:00.000-07:00

My head is so confused. I have no idea why or what it is confused about.

2011-09-13T19:45:00.001-07:00

Yet none is there like to my lady. That ever I saw. Therefore I dare to boldly say I shall have the best and fairest may. That ever I saw.

2011-09-07T15:43:00.000-07:00

Never thought getting threatened to be punched in the face would actually be a compliment in a way.

2011-09-02T16:57:00.000-07:00

Never asked you to change

But sadly you don't feel the same about me

I wonder does your man still shudder

When you touch his hand

Like this man

2011-08-25T15:20:00.001-07:00

I guess I'm just a masochist.

2011-08-21T06:26:00.001-07:00

I feel like my heart is being torn in 50 million different directions.

2011-08-15T09:21:00.000-07:00

I feel like my heart is being torn in a million different directions now. How could I go from being so sure and steadfast to having my whole outlook on life inverted? What am I suppose to do?

2011-08-14T23:50:00.001-07:00

I can remember every face but the one I want to. I saw an angel. Of that I'm sure. And it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you.

2011-08-13T22:31:00.001-07:00

Those are the kind of eyes that are burned into your soul forever. The kind that inspire heroes in books. The kind that are of a real life hero. The eyes of a warrior a protector. The eyes of someone who loves. They are the kind of eyes that inspire hope in the darkest moments. The eyes I will remember the rest of my life.

2011-07-22T16:37:00.001-07:00

When the one you love's in love with someone else,
Don't you know it's torture? I mean it's a living hell.
No matter how I try to convince myself,
This time I won't lose control.
One look in your blue eyes and suddenly
My heart can't tell you no.

2011-07-20T22:06:00.000-07:00

So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than meets the eye

2011-07-20T08:09:00.000-07:00

Thank you for saving me from myself Lord. Lord please help me to forget unpleasant things and do all things in you Lord. I know I'm a bad person but I want to be good. I strive so hard to be a semi-decent person. I know I always fall short but I will work to be better. Thank you for all the wonderful things you have given me Lord.

2011-07-19T06:15:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what the junk I'm doing. I must be a masochist! Ugh what in the hell is wrong with me? Good lord I'm so stupid should have just given K the box and not gotten involved at all. So stupid. Lord help me give me strength. Help me stop being such an idiot.

2011-07-18T08:38:00.000-07:00

They'd say it's just because of the sex. But alas it is not I know this feeling I've felt it before. When I was away from. I miss the one you killed. The one who I thought was a real life fairytale come true. But alas you destroyed him and left and empty hollow being behind. I do not miss the shell of the former being I loved. I miss the soul. But alas it was not meant to be so there will be another even more precious and beautiful.

2011-07-13T04:40:00.001-07:00

Get out of my dreams!!! And never come back!

2011-07-11T20:34:00.001-07:00

Why does time have to slip so easily like sands through your fingers? Why does it change like the face of the ever growing human? Once so young and comfortable in the small world I resided in. Now I am thrust into change leaving behind the fairy tale that I thought I had. I thought I'd had love in another but it was false. Fool my heart but the scar tissue will be stronger. What I found is that my broken home isn't as bad as it could be. That family endures even if they don't function. Friends help lead and shape you where your family can't. And love while the most powerful thing in the universe can give you wings can tear you down just as well. So I put my love in the only things I can trust in the Lord and my family. All have led me to where I am and where I am going to be.

2011-07-09T19:56:00.000-07:00

I think I try to live up to everyone else's expectations because because they are far less impossible than my own.

2011-06-25T17:23:00.001-07:00

I know what I want. I want you. If only you wanted me too.

2011-06-23T18:13:00.001-07:00

I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh. I want to hold you high and steal your pain away.

2011-06-19T21:43:00.001-07:00

And what am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you?

2011-06-18T16:56:00.000-07:00

I don't know why you keep try to see the minuscule good in me

2011-06-15T22:29:00.000-07:00

I once wrote a story of a girl who happens across a werewolf in a field. I was standing in my field tonight when an animal ran through it. Hmm... I still wonder what it was?

2011-06-12T21:52:00.001-07:00

Just stay with me. Baby stay with me.

2011-06-06T14:12:00.000-07:00

I know some of the most awesome people in the universe I am so blessed to have them in my life. Thank you Lord!

2011-06-02T12:58:00.000-07:00

Amazing dreams of you oh how I wish they'd come true...

2011-05-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

Why would you put a warrior's heart in a woman's body?

2011-05-28T22:30:00.000-07:00

It's been my experience that manly men don't want a woman that can keep up with them that enjoys doing the things they do. They want a woman who stays home, is afraid of the dirt, and whines when she can't get a manicure. They want them blond and skinny with big boobs and dumb as rocks. They don't want interesting complex women who aren't afraid to get dirty and dares them to try and beat them. They don't want a challenge they want easy and safe not dangerous and daring although that's what they claim they are. Cause if you really are you'd take the more daring route a real woman who can shoot circles around you... Molon labe.

2011-05-22T17:09:00.001-07:00

I hope you're not holding your breath for me to call and apologize otherwise you're gonna suffocate...

2011-05-21T23:00:00.000-07:00

God I don't know what's wrong with me! Help me please? I'm so screwed up.

2011-05-13T19:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Rachel in Something Borrowed its not worth it trust me. You're happy now you think it'll last forever but you know who's gonna be there in the end? Your best friend who you hurt and you know who's gonna end up cheating on you with another woman and turning into a sex-crazed asshole who only uses women... your prince charming. Trust me I know.

2011-05-10T13:05:00.000-07:00

"I wish I could quit you"

2011-05-10T00:12:00.000-07:00

I still keep hoping and dreaming that I could have a happily ever after but I know that no matter what I'll end up alone...

2011-05-08T20:18:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I keep going back. I don't know what I'm looking for maybe to see if you're miserable and suffering. Hoping I'll hold witness to your downfall. Maybe to see if I bring you as much pain as you've brought me. But every time I'm there I see that you're fine and you haven't given me a second thought. I wish I could get rid of your memory that easy but it seems to forever haunt me...

2011-05-03T17:14:00.000-07:00

I remember that closeness, the warmth, the tenderness. The enchantment of being in love, being pulled to one another by an energy that flowed between. The intimateness of being in warm, strong but gentle arms.

2011-04-28T19:07:00.000-07:00

I miss the man I loved...

2011-04-26T17:48:00.001-07:00

For being the cold heartless killer that I am I do like to cuddle...

2011-04-21T13:06:00.000-07:00

I hate when I wake up and it feels like you've died all over again. I dream that you are alive and well and then just as I am happy again you have to leave all over again. I get so confused in my dreams when you are alive and ok and then I remember you're suppose to be dead. God I miss you so much .

2011-04-20T06:03:00.000-07:00

It wasn't the sex, I can get sex anytime I want. It was the love, it doesn't come around often.

2011-04-14T16:34:00.000-07:00

Craig, do you remember when we sang straight tequila night on the karaoke over and over again?

2011-04-12T09:13:00.000-07:00

When I die do not be sad for me... for I will be home.

Regrets

2011-04-10T19:37:00.001-07:00

Sigh is it horrible of me to still like you even though I really screwed up and embarrassed myself in front of you... sigh

2011-04-08T15:05:00.001-07:00

Sometimes the haunting remembrances of being loved are worse than the actual loss...

Nightmare

2011-04-08T07:11:00.000-07:00

Get of my dreams! It's over I am done with the likes of you. Get out of my head. You're out of my heart except for a deep hatred. So don't kiss me passionately in my dreams don't hold my hand and take me to a dark corner to be alone. I won't wear a lacy white dress. I won't be under your wicked deceitful spell any longer. So stay away from me and stay away from my dreams because there I can't resist...

Tears

2011-04-07T09:35:00.000-07:00

When you see the strongest person you know... the person who never falls, who is super strong, who is indestructible, who would never in a million years cry... cries. It is the worst feeling in the universe. When everything is falling apart, that person was the one person you looked to for strength for stability and even they were falling apart your soul just sinks. Your whole world turns completely upside down. It changes you for life. Everything you knew or thought you knew different, gone. My family is really close aunts uncles cousins grandma. I saw my father cry the day my cousin died at 18.

2011-04-05T08:23:00.001-07:00

Gah I want to buy my book but I can't cause I know I'll neglect my studies and when I read it it's going to bother me and I'll be to distraught to concentrate

2011-03-31T21:15:00.000-07:00

Why is it always him and never you? I read that this is the point when I'm suppose to feel the most alone in my life but I don't feel as alone as I use to where I felt alone even when I was surrounded by people.

2011-03-28T10:43:00.001-07:00

Life is so fragile and short and I feel so helpless to protect my family against it. Lord please protect my family and keep them myself when I can not.

2011-03-23T08:21:00.000-07:00

WHY? Why is it every guy and they're brother will hit on me except the guy I like. =*(

2011-03-22T09:05:00.000-07:00

Silver tongued rapier wit,

Let's play.

Love,

2011-03-20T20:49:00.000-07:00

I am so terribly blessed its unfathomable. Thank you Lord for all that you have graced me with that I do not deserve.

2011-03-17T14:02:00.000-07:00

Every time I have to watch that truck drive away my heart breaks. But every time I get a little bit stronger.

2011-03-14T18:46:00.000-07:00

Alas I can no compete with that. Skinny and pretty is just something I am not. I have some good quality you just have to give me a chance to find out. But I can't compete with that.

2011-03-12T19:36:00.001-08:00

I'm surrounded by millions of people but this is the most alone I've ever felt

2011-03-08T13:02:00.000-08:00

And I do want you to know I think you'd be good to me and I'd be so good to you.

2011-03-06T17:32:00.001-08:00

Until we realize we are meant for each other we'll have facebook to tide us over...

2011-03-02T19:18:00.000-08:00

Oh yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah now I remember why I'm shy. I fear being rejected... =(

2011-03-02T17:36:00.001-08:00

Bahaha thanks for answering my prayer =D ^

2011-03-02T17:23:00.000-08:00

Sigh I wish I had time to do normal human things. Or I'd also be fine if he would just talk to me.

2011-02-28T18:39:00.001-08:00

I'm going to nut up or shut up. It's going to be super hard but I am tough there are people who have done far more impossible things than this. Once I get done with impossible it'll be possible.

2011-02-27T21:07:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it's not giving up it's just deciding not to run against the wall anymore.

2011-02-25T10:31:00.000-08:00

When you look into those eyes what do you see in them? Do you see that caged tigress skulking back and forth waiting to be released. For the predator to do what it was born to do. Do you see the blood lust in it's lazy eyes. You see those fearless eyes wanting yearning to be set free. She wants desperately to escape her prison. To run free to use those muscles she's been itching to unleash. When I look in the mirror I see her looking back at me.

2011-02-23T10:39:00.001-08:00

Sometimes priorities change...

2011-02-23T08:04:00.000-08:00

I wonder if my dreams means anything. In real life I would never be interested in him yeah he's good looking but just like in the dream he is a higher class and I'm a farm girl. And when it came down to protecting or defending me he made me do it myself. So why is he in my dream?

And then my cousins house was under siege and I had to lead an assault to get it back. Just as I picked up my rifle to start sniping my damn alarm went off and woke me up of course as soon as i get to the good part.

2011-02-22T09:30:00.000-08:00

I think the reason I am craving reading right now is because I'm afraid I'm losing my imagination after being overwhelmed with so many facts and scientific things. But then I heard ‎"Imagination is more important than knowledge."So I know that no matter how many facts about stuff I shove into my head my imagination will always be important.

2011-02-21T18:14:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday my dear cousin. I wish you were here so I could share the memory of you drinking your first legal beer. Not that it ever stopped you before. I miss you so much everyday and I just wanted you to know that I love you so much and I am sorry I didn't tell you that more often when you were here.

2011-02-20T16:05:00.000-08:00

I think the reason I like to read so much is that I would rather be in someone else's world dealing with their problems and not my own. I'd rather be worrying about their life rather than mine. I guess I'm just a dreamer.

2011-02-18T20:19:00.000-08:00

I remember that day four years ago. I was hesitant to read that book unsure of what lay ahead. And then before I knew it I was wrapped up in a tale unlike any I had ever known. I tried and tried to put it down but I was hooked for life. So much magic in just one book. My whole out look on life changed because I had read that book. I love getting lost in that world away from myself and all around me. Just me and a city of bones. And so my favorite book. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so addicted to it but alas Facilis Descensus Averni...

2011-02-11T08:08:00.000-08:00

I found my Dimitri but alas if Rose thought she and her Dimitri couldn't be together she had no idea. Hundreds of miles of distance, age difference, and just plain no interest in me. Sigh*

2011-02-09T14:53:00.000-08:00

So a disgusting drunk hobo tried to attack my friend and I. So I ate his face off and scared the shit out of him. Then we ended up getting the disgusting bastard arrested. Badguys-0 Me-1

2011-01-31T19:41:00.000-08:00

Why do women who clearly have proof of a man being an asshole to them sitting right in front of them do they not see it? Why do they continue to let them treat them like shit? Better question why did I let that happen to me?

2011-01-26T19:32:00.000-08:00

Dear Me,

You are an epic fail.

Sincerely,

2011-01-20T17:41:00.000-08:00

Sometimes dreams are less disappointing not coming true than having them come true and turning out to be to good to be true.

2011-01-14T16:39:00.001-08:00

Even worse I think I met the man of my dreams and I let him get away damn

2011-01-14T15:50:00.001-08:00

So I think I've got a crush again to bad I'll probably never see him again... sigh

2010-12-07T07:33:00.001-08:00

She could have been beautiful if you looked pass the lines and scars on her young face. If you looked pass the sad, weary, jaded eyes to see the deep sparkling blue underneath. If you looked pass the hardness to her expression the anger in the set of her mouth to the happy girl that could lay beneath. She could have been beautiful, but she is not.